its called hockey (never mention dunkin donuts)
by zekethebookgeek
Summary: In which Frank decides to take his friends on a trip to Canada, and it turns out to be a flop. OR in which Piper forces Calypso into trying every single flavor of coffee on the Starbucks menu, and she regrets she said anything. Just a lot of brainless humor to read if you're bored. For Aja and Mia. [Complete]


**its called hockey (never mention dunkin donuts)**

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**A/N: **

**Hey guys! I'm back from the dead! Last few days I've been working on something new! Yay! A trip to Canada! Wait, I just realized something. I'm not typing with bad grammar! WhhaahaaaaHahahAHhAHAhahaAaAaaattttt?! oh wait, thts better. anyways. thank you so much to **_cursedhazel_ **for helping me out with writingn this tstory and gving me advic! it helpd so much, thnk you so muuch! this was kind of spur of the moment, but i hpe u guys like it as much a si did, i used the prospct of writing more scenes to give me motvtign To do mh SCHOOl so that was fun it wrks SO WELL so yeah anyways somthn Ive beeen wantng to do for a while ENJOY probably the most brainless and humourus story ive ever writtn so READ and check out **_aja's (cursedhazel)_** profile she writes rlly good stuff too! Find hr profile in my fvorite authors list! also thx to mia aka **_herecomesthepun_** for like reading it and noticing that i accidently spelled 'sync' 'sinc' lol hope u like it/liked it and it gave you a laugh**

**:A/N**

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**...vΔv...**

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Frank isn't sure when he decided to take his friends on a trip.

Maybe it was when Percy lit some sparklers and came up to him yelling _Happy Four of July!_ when Frank stopped him and said he was Canadian, to which Percy replied _Happy Random Thursday Then, _and everybody just looked at him like he was insane. With the exception of Leo, of course, who promptly turned it into a meme and posted it on TikTok. (It got over a thousand favourites in an hour)

Or maybe it was the time that he had, like a true Canadian, refused to eat anything from Dunkin Donuts, which he honestly found disgusting compared to Tim Hortons. He had just gotten a lot of blank looks and shaking of heads, but no protest.

Or perhaps it was the time that Piper asked them what they wanted in their tea, and he had absent-mindedly replied his usual at his grandmother's house: No sugar, a splash coffee cream, and a drizzle of maple syrup. (Boy, had that been embarrassing. Piper had blinked and asked him if he meant Gin and Tonic or a fancy Canadian cocktail.)

Maybe he didn't know when, but he did know he had made up his mind. It didn't stop him from being surprised at himself for how confident and certain he sounded when he told them.

"We're going on a trip," he said, with an air of importance. "To Canada. I'm going to teach you what it's really like there."

Percy promptly choked on his milk, Annabeth fell off her chair in surprise, Leo made his playing cards catch on fire, and Piper (she may or may not have been ever-so-slightly tipsy) tried to charm speak the cards into flying back to where they were before they had all fell off the table. Hazel just looked at him with a look of amusement on her face; she had most likely seen it coming.

"To Canada?" Percy rasped, still dazed from his choking fit.

Frank raised a questioning eyebrow. "Do I need to repeat myself?"

Leo batted at the enflamed card with his greasy, white, button-down shirt, which he had obviously taken off. "But... why?"

Frank rested his hands on his hips in a strict manner. "Because. You guys obviously know nothing about Canada or Canadians, so I'm going to teach you. It'll be fun."

Surprisingly, it was Annabeth who spoke up. "I agree. I've got a general idea of the places and provinces, but I honestly know nothing about the culture. And it's really close to the U.S, so we might have to go back sometime. Who knows. It could be useful information. I'm in."

Frank threw up his hands. "_Thank_ you!"

Percy rolled his eyes. "Does everything have to have an educational motive with Annabeth? Like, come on, Wise Girl, loosen up. If I'm going, I'm going as a _vacation._"

"So does that mean you're in, or you're out?"

Piper stood up dizzily and snorted. "Obviously, he's in. Anywhere Annabeth goes, he goes."

Frank smiled quietly to himself and glanced at Hazel, who met his eyes and grinned.

"Obviously, I'm in too," she said shyly.

Piper cooed and raised her hand eagerly above her head. "Me too! Don't leave me out!"

Leo made a gagging motion and clutched his heart. "Ugh, you lovebirds are going to make me sick one of these days. Now, how are we gonna get there? Using Festus? I don't think we can all fit on him."

Frank tapped his foot on the ground and raised an eyebrow. "That is if you're in."

Leo glanced around to see everybody staring at him, waiting.

"Please don't tell me you're going to make me re-enact that cliché scene from Guardians of the Galaxy. Obviously, I'm in. Now, are you gonna pull a rocket and make me stand up, salute, and formally decree that I'm in, or can we just go already?"

**Δ**

So. They end up taking the bus.

Partly because they can't all fit on Festus and they think it might be a waste of the gods' time to summon in a few thousand dollars to buy some plane tickets. Mostly, because Percy straight out refused to go air travel, and they were kind of short of boats.

Anyways. That conversation ended with them pooling their money and squishing together on the back of the dirty, polluted city bus, on their way down the highway to the border. It was a six-hour drive from Long Island, not including traffic, so for the most part, they just ended up listening to music on their iPods. (Sure, it attracted monsters, but honestly, they had all been through so much together that they didn't really care, no monster had a chance. Also, who in their right mind would go out of their way to attack a moving bus in the middle of a crowded highway for no apparent reason?) But about halfway through the trip, Frank decided to start filling them in with a couple of ground rules for his home country.

"Rule number one." He said, glancing around at his weary friends, who were obviously trying their best to look awake so that they wouldn't hurt his feelings. "Never, ever, _ever _mention Dunkin Donuts in Canada. We Canadians are strictly loyal to Tim Hortons. Ask anyone where to get coffee or donuts, and they'll look at you like you're insane. Tim Hortons, end of story.

"Rule number two," he continued. "Everybody stereotypes Canada as _always covered in snow, infested with beavers, squirrels, and moose, origins of Santa Clause, _etcetera, etcetera. That's not true. Most of Canada, yes, is basically the north pole, and covered in snow all the time. But the part that people actually _live_ in might as well be New York. Normal summer, normal winter.

"Rule number three, Hockey is the national sport. Don't mention baseball, it's not worth it, half the population doesn't even know how it's played. Hockey this, Hockey that. Of course, we're not addicted to the game, we just like ice skating. And skiing. Winter sports. It's fun. You'll like it.

"Rule number four, don't be sassy. Everyone in Canada is by default super nice, and you can trust just about anyone. Come in here, make rude comments, act sassy, pretend like you own the place, and people will mark you for life. Trust me, I had to cut a vacation short once because I made that mistake.

"Rule number five, most Canadians are bilingual, meaning they speak both English and French. Piper, you might like this one. So, English, oddly enough, is the _main_ language, but French is the _official _language. Depending on where you go, the majority will speak either English or French, but it's just standard to know both. Any questions?"

Percy shifted his weight, careful not to disturb Annabeth, who was sleeping against his shoulder and raised his hand.

"Yes?" Frank asked impatiently.

"What if- what- what if I want a Dunkin Donuts Coffee when we get there? What do I say?" Percy mumbled, half asleep.

Frank sighed and put his face in his hands. "You don't say anything. Try the Tim Hortons coffee or one at a specialist shop."

Calypso rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands and glanced at Leo, who had fallen fast asleep with his phone on his face. "I have a question. What is coffee?"

Hazel frowned and examined her hands, which were clasped in her lap. "Yeah, I was wondering the same thing. I know it's some sort of drink, but I don't remember ever having it in my time."

Piper gasped mockingly and put a wounded hand over her heart. "Tsk, tsk, you girls don't know what coffee is? Well, maybe I _will_ enjoy this trip after all."

Frank looked up. "_I_ don't even know what it tastes like, all I know is that Tim Horton's coffee is best."

Leo snorted in his sleep and rolled his head to his other shoulder. "Mm... I'd like my coffee with extra oil, please... Hmm..."

Percy, despite his sleepy state, couldn't help laughing, and the others joined in too, just as the bus came in sight of the Canadian border.

**Δ**

Frank put his hand up over his eyes and examined their surroundings, while around him his friends walked in fast circles or did random jumping jacks (Leo) to get the feeling back into their stiff legs. As he looked around, his gaze fell onto a small coffee shop down the street, and his eyes lit up.

"Guys! Come on! I found a Tim Hortons!" he yelled eagerly as he dragged Hazel on behind him, leaving his friends to pant in his wake.

Abruptly, they all came to a stop in front of the brownish-red building, gazing in through the windows. Annabeth propped her elbows up on the window sill and leaned back, bored, and Percy mockingly snored.

"I still don't get what's so special about this place. I mean, the only thing I can see here that makes it better than a Dunkin Donut's its that it's clean, but-"

"That's most likely not consistent through all of the restaurants." Annabeth finished for him.

Percy nodded. "Yeah. That was exactly what I was going to say."

Calypso snorted. "Yes, right."

Leo punched her in the shoulder playfully. "Learn some slang, girl! What she means is yeah, right."

Calypso looked confused. "There's a difference?"

"No." responded Annabeth, at the same time that Leo said "Yes!"

"No," responded Annabeth, who sent a not-so-subtle glare at Leo. "They mean the exact same thing. Therefore, they are not different."

Leo put an arm on Calypso's shoulder and leaned against her slightly. "Don't listen to her, sunshine. It's a different word, so it's different."

Hazel frowned. "Hey, where'd Frank go?"

Annabeth wheeled around, which looked comical seeing her position. "Um, he seems to be inside, ordering every donut in the building. Like. He's pointing at every single donut in the display case."

Piper groaned. "I guess we're not going to be eating the lunch I packed today."

Percy looked at her weirdly. "You do know it's illegal to bring food across the border, right?"

Piper smiled sweetly. "Now I do. Come on, we have to stop Frank from buying the building before it's too late."

"That actually wouldn't be half bad," Leo muttered under his breath.

**Δ**

Frank shoved a chocolate boston cream donut into Percy's face eagerly, promptly making him topple off his chair as he tried to jump back but failed to remember he was sitting down.

"Come on," Frank said, holding out his hand for Percy to take, who then pulled away surprised at finding a squished chocolate donut in his palm and no help to get up. "It doesn't matter if it's squished. It still tastes good. Eat. Now."

Percy jumped to his feet and raised the donut hesitantly taking a nibble before his eyes widened and he stuffed the whole thing in his mouth.

"Good gods of Olympus." he moaned, appearing to be in a trance. "This is so good."

Annabeth raised an eyebrow. "Wow. It must be good. The last time he moaned like that was when I-"

Piper yelped and turned red. "Don't finish that sentence, please."

"-brought him to that pizza place in Brooklyn that had the really good puffed crust." Annabeth finished, sending a quizzical look at Piper, who blushed red and looked away.

Leo cackled evilly. "What Piper _means_ to say is that if it's making Percy make that noise, it must be good. I want one."

Piper nodded vigorously. "Yeah, exactly. Definitely what I meant."

Frank didn't need any further encouragement and shoved multiple different flavoured of donuts at his friends, who greedily devoured them.

"Oh." Piper squeaked, halfway through her NHL and KitKat specialty donut. "Okay, I admit it, this is _way_ better than Dunkin Donuts."

An elderly couple in line to get their orders turned and fixed Piper with a hard glare. Frank abruptly stood up, grabbed the box of donuts, and hurried his reluctant friends outside the restaurant. Quickly, he shoved them into the van and got into the front seat himself.

"Piper." he said sternly, with his best hard look. (His grandmother had taught him well, she was an expert at that look.) "What did I literally just say before we went in. Never, _ever_, mention Dunkin Donuts."

Piper looked around at her glaring friends and whimpered. "Sorry...?"

Frank sighed and Hazel touched his hand comfortingly. "Just, don't do it again, okay? Bad idea. Did you see how these people in line were looking at you? Like they wanted to throttle you. I repeat, do not ever mention Dunkin Donuts in Canada."

Piper saluted mockingly and grinned. "Roger that."

**Δ**

So. None of them can ice skate.

They found that out relatively quickly, as soon as they got onto the ice, in fact. He remembers it vividly: All of them stepping out onto the ice gracefully and in sync, then Percy losing his balance and doing an amazing impromptu ballet twirl on one skate before crashing into the sideboard, using his face as an airbag, Calypso's foot extending out gracefully, only to find that her other foot wasn't following, ending up in a painful-looking gymnastic pose otherwise known as the splits, while at the same time Annabeth simultaneously threw her bottom half-forward and her top half backward, hitting heads with Leo, who spun out of control, losing a skate which hadn't fit him properly, clipping Hazel, who promptly fell on her bottom, and making a figure eight with his skates, before finally crashing to a stop when he collapsed into a snowbank.

Frank's actually the only one who kept his balance, and in that one moment, he withdrew any complaints he ever made to his mother or grandmother about being forced into the sport. But only for a moment. That's about the longest amount of time he was able to keep a straight face before bursting out into a fit of laughter and falling down himself, unable to keep his balance while double over with hysterics.

They got some weird looks, but hey, it was worth it.

"Laugh it up," Leo grumbled, wiping snow from his face with Percy's shirt. "Ha-ha, so funny. Does it look like we think it's funny?"

But eventually, he couldn't help laughing too, following the example of his friends.

Calypso recovered first, and wiped herself off daintily, trying not to wince when she moved her leg. Percy was the second to recover and promptly ripped his shirt out of Leo's grasp, which unfortunately made the pair lose their balance and fall again, sending the whole group into a second fit of laughter.

Annabeth held out her hand for Percy, who took it thankfully, when Leo, who was still on the ground, quickly grabbed his pant leg to pull him back down, unintentionally causing a game of tug of war, in which his friends were all too eager to pick sides. In a matter of moments, Percy found himself lifted off the ground, his hands in possession of Annabeth, Frank and Hazel, and his feet coincidently being tugged by Piper, Calypso and Leo.

Long story short, Calypso ended up with a sprained ankle and Percy a broken wrist. It was kind of worth it though, so. Nobody cares.

**Δ**

And, that would explain why they were currently in the Montgomery town clinic, getting checked up by a way-to-flirty doctor, who was really starting to get on Percy's nerves.

"Hello there, gorgeous!" he said cheerfully, directing a dazzling pearly smile at Calypso, and giving a curt nod to Percy.

In her defence, Calypso tried her best not to make a disgusted face. "Hello there, ug- I mean Victor," she responded, glancing quickly at his name tag halfway through her sentence.

"Nice to meet you all!" he exclaimed, and glance down at his black clipboard, which perfectly matched his hair. "Now you are Calypso, correct?"

Calypso nodded and gestured slightly toward Percy. The man put on a fake smile and glanced at him. "Of course. Percy, right?"

Percy nodded, trying to conceal his look of annoyance at being completely ignored. "Yes. Yep. That's my name. Yeah."

The doctor nodded. "You'll go first. What exactly is the problem, again?"

"Broken wrist."

The doctor again nodded. Percy wondered if it was a head-bobbing disease, or if he was actually that agreeable. "Alright. Please follow me in here, and we'll take a look."

Calypso waited patiently for a few minutes for Percy to come out, tapping her foot restlessly on the prickly carpet. Ten minutes later, Percy emerged, sporting a dirty white cast on his hand, and the doctor called for Calypso. Percy sent a not-so-subtle glare in the direction of the office, before dropping into the creaky waiting room chair. Calypso squeezed his arm in a warning and sent him a look, before walking into the room.

Two minutes later, Calypso came out wearing a pure white ankle-cast, a smiley face sticker, and sucking a lollipop, not giving a second glance to the dazed doctor trailing behind her who had the unmistakable impression of a hand plastered on his face.

Satisfied and laughing, the two of them walked out of the clinic to see the rest of the group hanging out by a fence next to the parking lot, eating giant Reece's Peanut Butter Cups filled with ice cream.

"Guys," Percy said, after having been tossed his own ice-cream bar. "You do realize it's winter, right?"

Frank shrugged. "Who cares."

Piper licked her ice cream enthusiastically. "How was the doctor?"

"Hardboiled and flirty," Percy responded promptly.

Annabeth snorted. "You say that like he was an option on a menu."

Calypso tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear thoughtfully. "Hey kind of was. Like, absolutely perfect teeth, hair and smile. Might as well have been a restaurant order."

After seeing the look on Leo's face, Calypso hastily covered up. "Um, I mean, he was a bit too perfect for my liking. And way too, what's the word, flirty? I put him in his place."

Percy chuckled. "You should have seen the handprint he was wearing when he came out of the office. Just remember, Calypso, Chiron has a rule against killing mortals. Just FYI."

Calypso frowned. "What is _ef-why-eye_?"

Leo chocked on his ice cream. "Cali, girl, you have got a _lot_ to learn. Starting with the invention of ice cream."

"Ice cream?"

Percy facepalmed. "It's what it sounds like. You're eating it right now."

**Δ**

"It's called maple taffy," Frank said, addressing their quizzical looks. "You haven't been to Canada if you haven't developed at least a small addiction to maple syrup. This is the best way to get you into it."

Leo looked hesitantly at the maple syrup puddles seeping through the pure white snow. "But... how? Do we lick it?"

Frank rolled his eyes. "Honestly, sometimes I forget you guys have brains. It's simple. You take a stick, dip it into a puddle of syrup, and roll it so it sticks." Leo still looked dubious, so Frank shrugged and grabbed a stick, dipping it into the syrup and rolling it expertly around, before licking it clean.

Within two seconds, all his friends had grabbed a stick and were busying themselves with claiming the biggest syrup puddles they could find. Hazel held her stick carefully, flipping it every few seconds so that the sludgy taffy stayed on. After thirty seconds of watching Hazel carefully twirl her stick and only take one careful lick, Frank sighed in exasperation and took it from her.

"Good heavens, Hazel. I'm holding it now, just put your mouth over it and eat the whole thing."

Hazel chuckled quietly and obeyed, bearing a striking resemblance to a baby bird as she swallowed the whole lump of taffy and made a delighted squeaking sound.

Leo gasped out in the corner. "Oh gods, this is amazing. I need more! Now! Quick!"

A few minutes later they were kicked out of the sugar shack, apparently for the reason of _maple syrup consumption overdose_.

"Awn, come on! I wanted to eat the maple syrup eggs and sausages and pancakes and bacon! We didn't even get inside the building yet!" Leo whined.

Annabeth folded her arms crossly. "I don't think you should be the one to talk, mister. You're the one who got us kicked out anyways."

The piled, not without quite a bit of shoving and sassy insults, into the rented van and Frank pulled out of the driveway carefully.

"Hey Hazel," he said, still concentrated on the road. "Pass me my phone, will you? I have an idea."

Leo leaned into the front row lazily as Hazel fumbled through the glove compartment and handed Frank his phone. "Why do you need your phone?"

Frank smiled into the mirror. "I'm going to show you guys the cause for one of the greatest ongoing jokes in Canadian History."

A few moments of screen tapping and wire sorting later, a hip-hoppy tune filled the car, and a young-sounding boy began singing a melody. Annabeth nodded her head slightly to the tune, and Piper tapped her foot to the beat. Frank paused the song.

"Hey!" protested Piper angrily.

Frank motioned for silence. "Okay, you all heard his voice, right?"

There was a general murmur of agreement and Annabeth nodded. "Adolescent, Carefree, Young, Springy."

Frank raised an eyebrow. "Um, okay. Now listen to this."

Another tune filled the car, and a few seconds into the song, a man began singing in a deeper, gravelly, more mature voice. Frank paused the song again.

"That was the same person," he said simply. His friends gaped. Laughing inwardly at his friend's amazed expressions, he waited for a moment for dramatic effect before he spoke again. "Now, you can see where the grounds of the most popular Canadian memes came from. It really is quite hilarious, actually. His name is Justin Bieber."

Silence to a count of three. Then Leo spoke up. "This is going on Twitter."

**Δ**

Honestly. Frank didn't even know there were so many different types of coffee until Piper started forcing them to drink it. Contrary to his suggestion of Tim Hortons, Piper had told the others to go play laser tag, put on directions for Starbucks, and began ordering them every single coffee on the menu. Like, every single coffee.

Piper had force-fed him, so far, an espresso, a shot, a double-shot, a vanilla latte, a cappuccino, and a macchiato.

He kind of wished he had gone to play laser tag. He also was wondering who would be paying the bill.

But laser tag, mostly.

"Come on guys, just one more! There's a new seasonal white chocolate flavour you _need_ to try!" Piper whined, a hint of charm speak weaving through her words.

Calypso leaned back against the window wearily and Hazel slammed her head into the table.

"There's a new flavour of throwing up I need to try," muttered Frank under his breath. Hazel snorted without removing her head from the table.

Calypso turned her head slightly and gazed longingly at the laser tag place across the street. "I believe that I said-eth that I was wondering of what coffee was, not how many different kinds I could swallow before I must use the bathroom."

At the mention of the bathroom, Frank suddenly lept up and ran down the hall for the toilets, Hazel and Calypso right on his heels a moment later.

Piper sighed and propped her feet up on the table. Coffee was an art, and her friends were colourblind.

**Δ**

Annabeth gasped, amazed, as Percy went over the jump and did a three-sixty, landing expertly on the freshly-treaded snow on the mountainside.

"Percy!" she exclaimed as she pushed with her poles to gain momentum. "You didn't tell me that your water powers extended to the frozen type!"

Percy twisted his legs and came to a stop on the mountainside next to her. "They don't."

Annabeth gestured with her gloves, forgetting about the poles attached, accidentally hitting Percy in the groin. "Then what was that?"

Percy groaned and clutched his snow pants. "That hurt!"

Frank skidded past them on his skis, missing them by a good four feet, and awkwardly began shuffling sideways back up the slope. "Yeah, man! That was amazing! Where'd you learn to ski?"

Percy grinned sheepishly. "I didn't. It just... came naturally, I guess."

Piper chose that moment to crash into Percy at full speed, and they tumbled down the hill. Hazel flew by just as fast, trying to catch up to help, and none of them missed her cry of '_Oh dear!_' as she rocketed down the hill. Groaning, Annabeth picked herself up awkwardly (which was harder than it looked) from where she was sitting in the snow and pushed herself down the hill with her poles.

Approximately two seconds later, Calypso and Leo decided to make their grand entrance by rolling down the hill in what looked like a giant snowball. Frank facepalmed.

He had weird friends.

Strangely enough, he didn't seem to mind.

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**IMPORTANT**

**PLEASE READ**

_Okay hello people so If you have been on my profile for a while you will notice that _**HEY! **Where'd the rest of my stories go?!

Okay, so, before you kill me, let me just say I'm getting into Au's (I blame Mia for that not my fault) and so i will be writing a lot of those.

Soooo... I deleted the rest of my stories. Yeah. Sorry. They were kind of crappy though, so I'm also not sorry. **YEAH.**

**if you are a most dedicated fan, msg me and ask for the story you want to read, like percabeth one shots, etcetera, and i'll send you the file. **

haf a goode day evwywone


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